No Gods, No Kings, Only a Witch
by Nemesis13
Summary: Sophia Peletier thought she was good as dead when a crimson haired woman with a lightning bolt scar upon her forehead saved her. After that, well things got rather interesting. A plot bunny.
1. Chapter 1

**Simple boredom on this one, here is Iris Potter, the Girl-Who-Lived, the Red Mage, She-Who-Immolates-Things in the Walking Dead universe. If you want more, please review**

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Sophia Peletier was terrified beyond words, her young mind not able to fully comprehend the horrors surrounding and pursuing her. Sheriff Grimes had told her to stay put, and stay hidden, she had wanted to obey him really, her mama always told her to listen to the police after all but...she couldn't.

The walkers sniffed her out, how could they do that anyway with how horribly they reeked? Stupid silly thoughts of a stupid little girl as she ran for safety, where ever that was, if you listened in on the adults like she and Carl had a few nights...it likely didn't exist anymore.

Seeing a church in the distance Sophia pumped her tired legs harder, trying to ignore the stitch in her side and the burning of her lungs as she did her darnedest to reach God's shelter. That's what the old ladies in town always said the church was, right? A place where God would protect those who believed in Christ and lived as proper Christians?

This thought was derailed as she tripped over a severed arm, a poor postal worker's if the patch on the bloodied sleeve was anything to go by.

Landing painfully onto the hard sun baked ground she rolled over groaning and then gasped as she tried to backpedal from the horde of shambling corpses stumbling towards her, eyes widening in horror she couldn't help screaming.

"STAY AWAY! NO NO NO NO!" Oh God she could smell them now, the putrid rotting auras surrounding them making her throw up as they leaned down to feast on her flesh when a loud whistle cut through the air.

"Heyya boyos, ready for an arse woop'in?" The walkers stopped and stared in the direction the voice came from, Sophia dared to turn her head a fraction and took in the image before her.

It was a woman, long wine red hair billowing in the wind as she stood there with her arms crossed looking supremely unimpressed. She couldn't get a closer look because the woman extended one of her hands and suddenly a gout of violet and black flames exploded forth blinding her.

As the light burnt away her vision Sophia felt her exhaustion finally take hold, she wanted to fight it but...she was so tired, so worn out. Sophia was about to pass out when she felt a pair of arms lift her off the ground, she tried to strike the figure but couldn't muster the strength to break away.

A moment later she heard a pleasantly accented voice chuckle out, "A fighter this one, don't worry sweetheart, I'll keep you safe."

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Sophia awoke with a start, sitting up from a comfortable layer of blankets placed atop a pew she looked about in bewilderment and couldn't help smiling slightly. She'd made it to the church after all, go her. Taking in her surroundings her hopes fell when she saw the damage done to the buildings interior, and, more telling than not, the pile of rotting bodies on the floor.

Eventually her gaze fell upon her savior, who was standing behind the raised podium, the gold crucifix upon the wall shining from the wane sunlight. Its reflection highlighted the woman's crimson hair with a warm glow as her shoulders shook, and Sophia belatedly realized the hunched over figure was crying.

"Miss...are you all right?" Freezing the woman glanced up and Sophia had to do her best not to scream as she took in her glowing violet eyes. Wiping her nose the woman slid on a pair of aviator sunglasses and shot her a watery smile as she nodded and stepped away from the podium, slowly walking towards the girl.

She was wearing heavy black cargo pants that may have been military, the pockets obviously stuffed with whatever the woman deemed necessary to survive. Along with that were a pair of black combat boots, fingerless gloves, and an Iron Maiden t-shirt over which she wore a leather bomber jacket with the Union Jack sewn on its sleeve.

Oh, and she was beautiful, unblemished porcelain skin that looked like it had been scrubbed fresh only minutes ago. This made Sophia jealous for a moment before she glanced down and realized her filthy clothes were spotlessly clean, as was she. What?

Taking a knee before the child the woman smiled warmly up at her while nodding slowly, "Yes dear, I'm fine, I just...I just feel very bad with how many people are dying out there." She grimaced while near silently muttering "All of them...poor things."

Sophia was confused but pushed that aside as she extended her hand towards the now bemused woman, "That's good, I'm glad you're ok. Thank you for saving me ma'am, you aren't from around here are you? Oh I'm Sophia Peletier by the way"

Chuckling the woman accepted the small girl's hand while shaking it lightly, "I love kids, so adaptable, and you're quite welcome little one. Also you're right, I'm from merry old England, Surrey, a suburb of London to be specific. Name's Iris, Iris Potter, nice to meet you!"

Sophia released the woman's hand and stared at her a few seconds before quietly asking, "Are we safe, for now at least?"

Iris grimaced at that while shaking her gloved hand back and forth lightly, "Safe is such an...open term. I'm going to go with 'Safe'ish' and leave it at that kiddo. Now, umm...not to sound insensitive but are your parents about these parts?"

Sophia perked up at that, "My mama must be worried sick! Her name is Carol and we were traveling down the highway when we ran into a pileup. Walkers showed up and...and I ran..."

Iris hmm'd at that before nodding slowly, "Nothing to be ashamed of, sodding zombies must be terrifying to you folks instead of be'in a mild inconvenience...Pileup on the highway you say...hmm...someone left a message for you, directions to follow. If you want...well I can try and help you find them?"

Sophia perked up at that nodding quickly, "Would you ma'am?! I...you don't owe me anything but...but my mama..." Iris actually looked like she was about to sob, even with the sunglasses on before she sniffed and nodded.

"We'll find your mama on the morrow kiddo, I promise."

Sophia beamed up at the redhead before shifting over on the blankets making room for her in the process.

"I can't imagine there were many blankets in here ma'am, would you like to share my space?" Smiling sadly as she easily read between the lines Iris sat down and let Sophia cuddle up to her, the girl in question sat for awhile and realized how...quiet everything was.

Before long she was lulling to sleep as Iris began singing in a foreign tongue, she had no idea what was being said but it sounded...beautiful and sad... Nearing slumber she finally mumbled out.

"What was that?"

Iris snorted lightly, "Ba Mo Leanabh, better with a flute and violin but hey...beggars can't be choosers..."

Sophia nodded a bit while yawning before asking, "What was the fire from before, and why are your eyes all glowy?"

Iris responded without missing a beat, "Oh, I'm a witch."

"Cool," Sophia muttered as she fell into the land of Morpheus.

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 **Being in a world of the dead while being the Mistress of Death is not...pleasant.**


	2. You Don't Deny Death a Favor

**So, overwhelmingly positive responses for this one, I hadn't actually planned on updating this one but I was bored and couldn't focus on any of my other stories so...here you go! Please review!**

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Sophia woke with a panicked jolt as a gunshot cracked through the air and quickly jumped to her feet as she took in her surroundings. It took a few moments for the previous days events to register but after a few more successive gunshots she managed to muddle through her surprise and tentatively walked towards the open church doors.

As she reached the threshold she paused in shock as she took in the sight before her; Miss Iris had set up a cooking fire that had a griddle of _bacon_ sizzling on a cast iron pan while the woman in question was shooting approaching walkers with a huge handgun.

Oh, and she was singing in a casual manner that seemed to ignore the fact that the undead were trying to eat her.

"Fuck you, _fuck you_ fuck you very very muuuuch, because we hate what ya do, and we hate yer whole crew so please don't stay in touch..."

The harsh cracks of the gleaming gun eventually stopped as the last walker fell, snorting Iris spun the massive piece of steel on her finger a few times before slamming it into her thigh holster while turning back to her cooking.

Glancing up Sophia gasped when she took in the woman's glimmering violet eyes but Iris seemed to ignore the reaction, "Hello love, breakfast is almost ready. Nothing like a proper English fry up eh?"

Approaching the makeshift table Iris had made Sophia sat down on the offered log/stool and did her level best to ignore the fact that they were surrounded by two dozen downed walkers.

"I...uh...thank you Miss Iris," said woman chuckled as she placed a plate of steaming bacon, eggs, and hashed potatoes before her, and shockingly enough, a fresh glass of ice cold orange juice.

"Just Iris love, I have so many bloody titles you couldn't really comprehend it so I like to keep things simple. Now eat up we have a bit of a ride ahead of us and I'm sure you want to see your mama soon as possible yeah?" Sophia's eyes widened at that before she nodded and began to eat quickly, slowing down only after Iris chided her about getting sick from eating too fast.

Sophia took the woman who had saved her in with a casual eye, in the days light she could see that her original opinion had been...well...too simple. Iris wasn't beautiful, she was gorgeous, aside from the lightning bolt shaped scar on her forehead she was model perfect and if her table manners were anything to go by, scary elegant.

That was the thing though, there was no...what did Mister Daryl call high class things...pomp? Yeah, she looked like royalty with none of the pomp, just someone who wanted to be normal but kinda sucked at it but you ignored it because she was _trying_.

Oh and she looked kinda badass too, she was definitely pulling the sophisticated biker chick thing off well, and eventually Sophia let her curious nature do its thing. Luckily Iris really didn't seem to mind.

"M-Iris what exactly were you doing out here? Not that I don't appreciate you saving me or anything! I just...can't imagine why someone like you would be in..."

"Bum-fuck Georgia?" Iris asked playfully, Sophia blushed at the blunt statement and the swear but nodded regardless, Iris sighed as she placed her fork on the table staring off into the distance.

"I...have a job to do, these...zombies...they're not part of the natural order, they've mucked everything up and frankly Death is...a bit pissed off. The reason I'm _here_ instead of say, Germany, or China, or India is simple really, this is where I was dropped off to start my duties."

That was confusing, and Sophia was itch'in to ask for more details but her Southern manners wouldn't allow for it, so instead she nodded and asked the safest question she could think of.

"What are your duties Miss Iris?" Ignoring the slip back into politeness Iris sighed as she took the last bite of her food, chewing laconically she let out a rather dark laugh while shaking her head slowly.

"End the undead, nothing overly complex about that...oh Death, you...bloody troll. Anyway, you ready to go love?" Sophia nodded enthusiastically while guzzling down the rest of her juice, Iris simply smiled in turn and stood up, walking towards the church's driveway. Removing something from her pocket Iris placed it on the ground and she quickly drew a thin stick from her sleeve tapping the object twice.

Suddenly, there was a full size motorcycle before the woman, Sophia could only stare in shock as Iris began rummaging around the saddle bags before letting out a triumphant 'AH HA!'

Grinning she handed Sophia a pink sleeveless jacket with a voluptuous angel holding a bomb on the back, with the words 'Made In Heaven' proudly printed across it

"Ginny loves to wear that when she borrows the bike, she has such a girl crush on Claire Redfield it isn't even funny. It's a pretty, badass jacket, for a pretty, badass little lady, don't you think Sophia?"

Shifting her gaze between the grinning woman and the jacket in her hands Sophia eventually let out a light laugh and threw the pink article on spinning a bit to take in its brightness.

Yeah, it was badass.

"Thanks Iris!" She chirped out happily, Iris just grinned while turning back to her bike.

"Welcome little badass, now hop up and hold on, we'll find your mama and company as fast as we can, oh, just do what I say if we run into any survivors." With that her eyes seemed to grow...darker as they flashed brightly, it was a completely disconcerting and confusing sight, "They're...not all good people..."

Sophia nodded as she hopped on the back of the bike, with a roar the two wheeled monstrosity came to life and a few moments later the two ladies were peeling down the driveway and onto the road.

Sophia couldn't help letting out a whoop, this was better than Mister Daryl's bike, mostly because he wouldn't let her ride with him, but still, so cool! With that thought Sophia did her best to just focus on the thrum of the engine, and the rushing air passing her, putting her trust in a near stranger but feeling...oddly safe regardless.

Time would only tell if her trust was misplaced.

They were on the road for about an hour before Sophia began fidgeting, Iris, being ever observant released the throttle and let the roaring engine idle so she could be heard.

"Everything all right back there love?"

Sophia fidgeted again before finally letting out an embarrassed sigh, "I have to pee," she yelled back.

Rather then being angry Iris just let out a laugh while pointing forward, "There's a town ahead, we'll find ya a clean loo no worries." Sophia assumed a 'loo' was a bathroom and just nodded, eventually they rolled into the small town and they took in its near undamaged state with a bit of wariness.

"Don't relax, there's always zombies hiding in the most ridiculous places. Rule one of surviving the zombie apocalypse, always be ready for jump scares, fate loves irony after all..." With that Iris pulled up to a drugstore and brought the bike to a stop, kicking out the stand the ladies stepped onto the pavement and both became uneasy with the continuing silence.

"Miss Iris, why is it so...quiet?" The woman in question looked about in confusion as well but her only response to the girl was to draw her massive pistol in one hand and the stick from earlier in the other.

Eventually they made it to the back of the store, Iris slowly opened the bathroom door and looked about a bit before nodding, "Should be safe kiddo, do your thing."

Sophia nodded gratefully and quickly rushed in closing the door behind her, staring at the toilet she couldn't help but let out a depreciative snort. To think a few months ago she'd consider herself insane for being so glad to see a bathroom with an unused roll of toilet paper.

* * *

The Countess Black, The-Girl-Who-Lived, The-Witch-That-Conquered, the Mistress of Death, one Iris Dorea Potter, was not a happy woman in the slightest. When she'd been asked by Death to fix a neighboring realities necromancy problem she'd of course accepted, because you don't deny an entity older than creation when they ask for a favor.

Ever.

What she hadn't expected was...the feedback...these weren't inferni, not by a long shot. These zombies, while fun to kill in a rather visceral reenactment of House of the Dead were not...normal. They were in fact abominations that rankled her senses like someone was constantly dragging their nails along a chalk board.

Each active zombie felt like...like they were crude, slowly decaying horcruxes, the souls anchored to the rotting horrors writhing in torment begging to be released. This entire _world_ was steeped in a miasma of necromatic power, and it was seriously fucking with her head and magic, to the point where she felt like...

Well, a god, endless, boundless power at her fingertips.

That wasn't cool, at all, nor was she happy with the fact her eyes were no longer green, she seriously hoped the violet would go away after she went back home. Because holy shit, she did not want to scare her poor godson with her super creepy death eyes.

She was broken out of her reverie when several trucks, motor bikes, and cars roared into the town, approaching the front window she sighed as they surrounded the building, and she knew exactly what this meant.

"Not this bloody shite again...ugh." With a sigh she exited the drugstore stopping beside Sirius's old bike while taking in the image before her, a couple dozen leering men, varying quality of firearms, and all of them pointed at her.

"Nice bike," one of them called out, and Iris sighed before crossing her arms speaking loudly enough to be heard by all.

"This is your only warning, leave this place in peace, or never leave at all." The men broke out laughing and several of them began approaching her with guns drawn, their eyes shifting up and down her figure in a hungry manner.

Sighing yet again she pinched the bridge of her nose while shaking her head slowly, "All right then, blood bath it is, but please do remember-" With that she looked up and her eyes now glowed brightly enough to cast shadows, causing the men to stop in their tracks, "-I gave you an out."


	3. Don't Piss Off An Annoyed Nerd

**Was stuck at a bus stop so wrote this on my phone, sorry if the grammar is fucky, no real spell check. Please review!**

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Now it must be said Iris Potter was raised in a loving environment, her big brother Dudley did everything in his power to keep her safe, usually from her own actions mind but still, he tried.

Her mum taught her how to be a proper lady, how to curtsy when needed, bake, sew, and act as she should in polite society in the hopes that the lessons stuck with her.

On the other hand her daddy taught her how to manipulate, blackmail, and toy with her inferiors as she wormed her way to the top all the while looking beatifically innocent in the process.

All told, growing up as Iris Dursley had done amazing things for her before she found out she was adopted; but it wouldn't be until she met her Dogfather Sirius that she would truly come into her own.

Because Sirius Black taught her the magical art of _fucking with everyone_ for her own personal amusement.

Today was no exception, and it had _nothing_ to do with the fact that she was sick and tired of dealing with raider rapist douche bags, really.

Completely unrelated, truly.

While the lot of them were still stunned with her flashy eye dealy Iris ejected the Elder Wand from her wrist holster and pointed it at a post box, which immediately shifted into a velociraptor that pounced on one of the men causing said party favor to scream in confused horror.

Good times.

With another flick she cast the imperious curse on one of the larger guys who then dropped his gun and began trying to tear the pants off the man next to him, fully intent on some good old yaoi.

Hilarious.

Another flick and a street lamp turned into Darth Vader, lightsaber and all, she just left the dark lord to do his thing as she sent another spell at one of the motor bikes turning it into a feral grizzly bear.

Only you can prevent forest fires after all.

Oh right!

With a grin Iris cast a hellfire thrower curse at the largest concentration of men, the roaring black flames absorbing their screams as their souls were dragged to... wherever, she didn't particularly care regardless.

As the the men not being burned, eaten, or prison raped moved to shoot her down Iris winked then apparated behind the bloke with the Squad Assault Weapon and imperioused him to turn his glorious belt fed toy on his friends. Apparating again she pulled her long slide stainless steel .45 from its holster and stuck it to the back of a mans head sending gray matter flaying as she pulled the trigger.

Combo kill.

Flicking her wand she turned a park bench into crocodile and sent it after one of the fleeing men, she briefly smirked to herself as he was dragged back into the chaotic blood bath. After a moments thought she turned a pair of dust bins into Daleks and had them "Exterminate" the survivors.

All told, it took two minutes and fifteen seconds to kill everyone in a manner that at least vaguelly amused her, and it only took about a minute afterwords to summon all their guns and ammunition dropping them into one of her expanded bags for a later perusal.

Waste not, want not after all.

Both her weapons placed in their holsters she turned back to the drug store to see a wide-eyed Sophia staring at the burnt, chewed up, and dismembered corpses as her lower lip quivered.

Please don't cry, little kids crying was like Iris's Kryptonite, it weakened her to the point where she didn't know what to do which usually ended with her buying said child something expensive or killing _a lot_ of people.

"Wh-what happened?"

Iris was, if nothing else, a straight forward woman, and honest to a fault, this was something that got her in a lot of trouble back home, usually with her mum or Hermione. Lucky for her neither of them were present at the moment.

"These blokes planned on stealing my stuff, raping me, and taking my bike...I did not comply to their expectations..." Sophia stared at the dismembered bodies for several long moments before she nodded and approached the bike.

"Ok, can we find my mama now?" Iris felt like a sweat drop should be forming on her forehead at that, addicted to video games and manga as she was this was not the response she was expecting, on the plus side though...no screaming... so...yay psychological trauma?

"Yeah...sure lets get going..." With that she sat on the bike and started the engine as Sophia wrapped her thin arms around her waist, and the pair quickly left the town behind them.

As they drove down the abandoned roads Iris pulled her wand out and cast a modified 'Point Me' spell at random intervals. Rather than point at due north this tracked individuals, at this point in time specifically one Carol Peletier, and while it was time consuming it was honestly her only option.

Seriously, she was not going to stop at every house and town to check for survivors, Iris had a limit to her patience, thanks.

As the sunlight began to wane Sophia's grip around her waist slackened, the obviously exhausted child losing what energy she had gained from the candy bars offered to her through the day. Sighing Iris pulled her bike up to a motel and brought it to a stop before the managers room.

Sophia hopped off the bike first as Iris tapped it with her wand shrinking it into its fun sized form, pocketing the bike she pulled out her .45 and opened the door before her warily.

Nothing. How odd.

Sweeping the managers office she pushed the only available door open and saw a twin size bed, thankfully unoccupied. Sighing in relief she waved Sophia in as she cast a few dozen security charms and wards on the door.

"We'll find your mama tomorrow kiddo, sorry to say I'm just too tired to cook, lets get some rest and we'll be ready for whatever comes at us in the morning, all right?

"Ok Miss Iris...it's fine, I'm ok..." nodding Iris unlaced her boots and tossed them in the corner as she bonelessly fell onto the bed. Much to her chagrin Sophia was not far behind and the child quickly wrapped her arms around the tired woman.

Face buried in Iris's long hair Sophia muttered quietly enough where she was barely audible, but she caught the girls words regardless.

"I don't think any less of ya for what you did to those fellas, I'm sure they deserved it..." As the girl fell asleep Iris ran her hand down her back slowly while she stared at the ceiling.

Did she deserve this little angels blessing? Probably not, Iris had never once pretended she was anything but a devil in human form, still though... It was... _nice_ to be stared at with awe and affection without fear lacing through said viewers eyes.

Call her selfish, but she liked the fact that little Sophia didn't judge her, it was like having a female Teddy with her, and she loved having her Godson around despite how much it annoyed Big D.

As she slipped into the realm of Morpheus she belatedly realized Sophia had managed to worm her way into Iris's heart in a rather short time. That was going to be a very, _very_ bad thing for anyone who ever crossed the little strawberry blonde girl, they just didn't know it yet.

After all, who better to protect you in the land of the walking dead, than the Mistress of Death herself?

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 **Short as the other chapters, but as stated, bus stop. Take care all**


	4. Getting on the Good Side of a Witch

**I have to be awake in three hours and can't sleep, this happened instead rest.**

 **Please Review.**

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The thing that made being Iris Dursley AKA Iris Dorea Potter, the Lady Black difficult wasn't her upbringing, not really. Yeah, it was a pain dealing with daddies hangers on who tried to garner favor in annoying manners, and yes it was obnoxious dealing with the high society ladies that sucked up her mum's words to twist them for their own use. Oh and don't even fucking get her started on the whores that tried to reel in her brother, Iris had taken care of more then a few of those bitches on her own time just as a silent favor to her big brother.

That, and they simply pissed her off for eyeing Big D like a piece of meat.

No what made her a difficult person to deal with was the simple fact that she _loved_ adventure, she loved exploration, she loved experiencing new things and _sharing_ that experience with anyone who was willing to go along with it.

This thought process was likely why she and Luna had ended up in bed together more than once, and why she and the amiably daft blonde were the best of friends never letting anything get inbetween them as they experimented with life. Frankly, Iris had already decided that if she never settled down that she would finally accept Luna's proposal because really, who else would put up with her and in the same instance remain _fun_?

All that being said? Sophia was currently hugging on to her like she was going to just disappear, fresh blood was running down the streets concrete contours, and Iris was still trying to process what in the literal fuck just happened.

The entire situation had been idiotic from the get go really. A bunch of guys showed up, insinuating what would happen if the two ladies didn't bend over and accept a thorough raping, and Iris had lost her fucking temper.

Again.

What resulted was a crater the size of Milwaukee, Sophia finding out exactly what she could expect from any man of improper breeding thinking of her uses, and Iris realizing yet again that she really needed to tone down the power of her spells.

"That was a big explosion," she stated this numbly while plucking the empty cartridges from the popped open cylinder of of the Ruger GP-100 she'd plucked off the floor.

It looked ridiculous honestly, but with a six inch barrel and a full underlug she couldn't help feeling like it resembled Vash the Stampede's personal revolver and thus had to loot it for her badass little apprentice who currently looked like she was about to lose her shit.

Plus, .357 was one helluva balla-

"Why did they shoot at us like that!? What the heck is a creampie! Miss Iris what the hell just happened!?"

Oh right, the kid, she was gonna have to get use to this shit right quick... Fuck did Iris hate being a realist.

Glancing down at Sophia Iris shrugged after jamming the final round into the revolver and slammed the cylinder shut with a flick of her wrist. Spinning the massive piece of steel on her finger Iris handed it to Sophia who gingerly accepted the weapon as the redhead who offered it grinned maniacally.

"They shot at us because we're a threat love, and I'm not explaining sex things to an eleven year old that's your mama's job, sorry. As for all this?"

Iris gestured to the massive burning crater before shrugging once, "Seriously most women would just give up and take what was forced on them accepting it all as life's burden." She snorted at that while rolling her eyes to the sky, "You and me? We're different. We don't accept that shit and these raider douchebags sense it, so they fight us, and they die."

Sophia eyed her a moment, then glanced down at the absolutely ridiculously oversized piece of rubber gripped steel in her hands before nodding once and replying in a definitive tone.

"Ok, so what do we do next?"

Iris grinned again gesturing away from the crater, "I'm getting pulses from my wand that way, hopefully we find your mama and no more idiot raiders. Ready to get going?"

Sophia glanced about unsure for a moment, aside from the city size crater her current guardian had accidentally carved out of the local farmland courtesy of a dozen gang members there really was nothing to see. Sighing Sophia jammed the massive revolver in her belt while hopping up on Iris's bike.

"I wanna find mama..."

Iris wilted a bit but shot right back up with winningly manic grin while she quickly sat on the bike and turned the key, "Alright then, lets find mama!"

As Sophia wrapped her arms around the woman in front of her, she couldn't help but feel the wave of loneliness bleeding off of her.

Exactly how much of a toll was being the Mistress of Death weighing on one Iris Potter?

* * *

Daryl Dixon wasn't exactly the easiest man to get along with, by a longshot.

That psychopath Shane and his goody two shoes partner Rick really didn't make matters easier considering they were constantly fighting over the latter's wife. Really, the archer didn't get why they were so obsessed with Lori, because, frankly, she was fucking useless.

Maggie, yeah, he could get that, she was a hot young piece of ass who could tear your dick off in a second, which Daryl could seriously appreciate. Her sister Beth...eh...not so much, but that's what big sisters were for regardless.

Andrea, yeah she was tough, but she had fucked Shane at least once so she really wasn't reliable as a neutral source of badassery.

And Carol...well... She hadn't been the same since Sophia had...well...fuck.

Emotions really pissed Daryl off, especially when they were intertwined with his affections for kids.

Which didn't exist since kids were obnoxious and all that.

But...

Sophia had been a good one...at least she didn't get herself shot like Carl...

Idjit.

Sighing, and wincing at the pain in his side caused mostly due to his own idiocy at the behest of a concerned mother Daryl raised a brow as he heard Creedence Clearwater Revival's 'Fortunate Son' blaring in the air.

"The hell?" He rather intelligently muttered as he caught the sound of an engine under the song which was just...weird.

While hoofing back to the farm with a hole in his torso really hadn't been his idea of fun dealing with another survivor really wasn't in the setlist. Likely they'd kill him and take his crossbow as loot, what his brother would do at least.

As the music and motor got louder he turned and resigned himself to his fate while gingerly wrapping his offhand around his blade, ready to at least go down fighting. When the bike stopped he hadn't really expected what came next, as much as it galled him to admit it.

"Mate, you look like shit," the biker chick was dressed in BDU's, an old bomber jacket, a heavy metal t-shirt, and combat boots. She was also gorgeous, laid down with several guns, and sported hair that was an unnatural shade of red.

Daryl felt his heart skip a moment before replying with, "Should be on my end, fall'in on yer own arrow is embarrass'in enough, having to walk it off?" The woman snorted in amusement when a figure clad in a pink vest hopped off the bike and gave him a wide-eyed once over before squealing in delight. Getting wrapped in a hug by said figure it took Daryl a moment to realize who this was but when he did, he grinned widely.

"Mister Daryl! This is Miss Iris and she's awesome!" Releasing him and staring at the wound in his side she gasped and hopped back, "Yer hurt! Miss Iris can you do somethin' for him?"

The woman stared at Daryl a moment before sighing and taking a stick from her sleeve while pointing it at the wound, "Love you really need to learn to moderate the volume of yer voice, and yes. You handsome need to hold still for the process."

With that the woman pointed her stick at his abdomen and muttered "Episkey," a moment later, he felt no pain. Frowning he pulled the makeshift bandage aside and looked at the filthy flesh underneath and frowned in consternation.

"The fuck?"

The woman shrugged as she slid her stick back up her sleeve, "I'm a witch, that was magic, and you're now healed. All there is too it."

Daryl glanced down at his no longer existent wound, the hot British witch, back to his wound, then grinned, "Can ya make my arrows catch shit on fire?"

Sophia didn't know it at the moment being young and all, but the grin Miss Iris gave Mister Daryl at this question was down right flirtatious.

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 **Insomnia, if it's bad, tell me, if it's good, tell me, please review, gonna try to sleep now.**


	5. If All You Have is a Hammer

**A few words written on a whim, hope you all enjoy them. I disliked the TV version of Andrea...alot...So I've combined the woman with her superior, more intelligent, more badass, and all together more competent comic version.**

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Andrea was not a 'girly girl' by any stretch of the imagination, so when the rest of the women had decided to make fucking dinner for their hosts to show their gratitude for not being heartless bastards she rather quickly volunteered for guard duty.

It wasn't that she looked down on tasks traditionally appointed to women or the like, it was that she was a fucking civil rights lawyer who had shot mother fuckers in the goddamn face and she really considered such bullshit beneath her.

If her little sister was still alive...then fine, she'd probably play ball, now though? She had nothing to prove to anyone, and frankly Hershel pissed her the fuck off regardless with his self righteous bearing and 'Holier Than Thou' attitude. He acted like this farm was in all honesty still _his_ and that they were all supposed to bend to his will like things were still...civilized.

They weren't.

If that old bastard actually tried to kick them off this farm, to send their group back into the roughs due to some obsolute morel values all while pretending he still held a modicum of power?

Well, she'd shoot the old bastard in the head herself, but she was fairly certain Daryl would beat her to the punch before she could even draw her pistol.

Plus side to that? His arrows were reusable. Waste not, want not after all.

Sighing as Dale was whining about...something, who knew what, she glanced to the horizon and saw a dust cloud approaching, tilting her hat up a bit she brought her rifle to ready and stared down the scope's sight.

A red haired woman on a motorcycle was approaching the farm, glancing to the side car Andrea couldn't help the fact that her eyebrows automatically rose in surprise upon seeing a rather well dressed Daryl Dixon seated with a grin spread across face.

"We've got company!" She yelled out, Shane and Rick came rushing forward as Dale and Glenn stepped out of the mobile home, both looking flustered for some reason.

Probably guy talk about Glenn's obvious thing going on with Maggie. Not really her problem though, if the kid wanted some actual advice on how to approach his landmine laden relationship he'd come to her soon enough regardless.

Slinging her rifle and pulling her pistol from its holster Andrea jumped down to the ground and followed the rest of the group to meet with the arriving motorcycle.

As it came to a stop Andrea gave the woman driving the bike a once over and couldn't help approving of her attire. Military pants and boots, rock band t-shirt, old school bomber jacket, and a mother fucking shit ton of guns and knives, obviously a woman after her own heart.

The woman raised one hand to slip a wisp of crimson hair behind her ear as the opposite pushed her aviators up her nose while she assessed the approaching group in a nonchalant manner.

"Ello all! I'm just asking this beforehand to save time, you all aren't by chance a bunch of raider rapist douche bags are you?"

Rick and Shane froze in confused shock at this question, Glenn though seemed to be more on the ball and quickly stammered out, "N-no ma'am! Our group treats women and children like we did pre-collapse!"

The woman grinned at that and nodded once as she hopped off the bike while helping a little girl off the back seat, "Bitch'in, glad to hear it. Daryl this your group?"

The man in question had already escaped the confines of the side-car and was adjusting his suit while glowering down at said garment, eventually he sent a glare to the woman as he snarled his response.

"Yeah they're mine. Why in the seven hell's did ya change my clothes to this monkey suit woman!?"

Said woman only grinned and shrugged lightly in turn, "You look sexy in a suit, your own fault really."

Completely lost Andrea could only shrug to Daryl a bit while nodding slightly in agreement, "You really do..."

Sighing in resignation Daryl just shook his head but whatever he was about to say was cut off by a woman's ecstatic yell.

"SOPHIA!?"

The little girl in the over sized pink vest was soon engulfed in Carol's arms as the woman fell to the ground sobbing, Andrea glanced to the redheaded woman who had driven the motorcycle and saw her sad smile rather clearly.

"Well...looks like we finally found your mama little one," she stated tiredly while glancing to Shane and Rick, "Hello, names Iris Potter, pleased to meet you lot."

Andrea placed her rifle against the mobile home and holstered her pistol as she approached the apparently British woman, she sounded a bit on the sophisticated side so best to put the right foot forward on the introductions.

"Hello I'm Andrea, nice to meet you, how did you come upon Daryl and Sophia if you don't mind me asking?"

Before the woman could respond Sophia had extricated herself from her mothers grasp and quickly chirped out, "Oh Miss Iris saved me from the walkers! And she healed Mister Daryl with her magic! But she had to kill a whole lotta fellas on the way, though she really didn't enjoy it..."

Iris and Daryl both shot Sophia unimpressed glances but the young girl didn't notice as she turned back to her mom, "Mama, what's a creampie?"

Everyone froze at that as Carol gaped a bit, of all the people to recover first it was Shane who spat out, "What are you talk'in about baby girl?"

Sophia shrugged lightly at the question as she leaned into her mothers side, "One of the men we ran into said he wanted to give me one, Miss Iris said I had to ask mama what that was so I was just curious."

Rick, with teeth clenched and eyes closed in rage quietly seethed out, "And what happened after that?"

Sophia blinked in surprise before shrugging lightly, "Well...Miss Iris killed him and all his friends, caught 'em all on fire just like the last group."

Rick paused then nodded quickly in turn, "Oh, well good, Miss...Potter was it?"

The British woman who had been leaning against her bike glanced at Rick and raised an appraising crimson brow in return simply nodded once in confirmation.

"Can we talk, in private?" She glanced at Daryl who adjusted his tie before nodding once and followed the woman as she kicked off her bike and followed Rick and Shane, a curious Andrea following behind.

Stopping beneath the shade of a peach tree Rick ran his hand through his hair a moment before addressing the new arrival, "So...you saved and protected Sophia?"

The woman raised a single brow as she drawled out her response, "If we're going to be stating the obvious here, Daryl's sexy, so is the blonde bird, and you all stink. Are showers not a thing anymore or are you just out of detergents?"

There was a tense silence before Shane broke out laughing, after a few moments he gave the Brit an appraising stare before shrugging, "I like her, so what can you do?"

The woman, Iris, sighed in annoyance before she pointed a finger at a discarded plank of broken wood, a moment later it turned into a seven foot tall suit of plated armor. A few seconds later a pair of violet eyes glowed from the shadowed eye-slit and the figure quickly spun a large poleaxe in hand before saluting the redhead.

Grinning at the flummoxed men and knocking her shoulder against the thoroughly amused Daryl Iris simply quipped, "Everything."

After that, well...things changed.


End file.
